Are you where you “should be”?

When you were younger did you think you would have it all figured out by the age you are now? Are you having a quarter-life crisis? Maybe you just drank a whole bottle of wine and cried into a pizza, before devouring the whole thing and binging Making a murderer on Netflix? Or maybe all your friends are getting married or having babies and you’re still struggling to find a date for your plus one? Welcome to my life!

Every day at my job in the restaurant I get asked “So what do you ACTUALLY do?” I try not to get offended when people ask; as hard as that is. I want to say, “thats ACTUALLY none of your business”. What I really say is “I’m still figuring some stuff out” which is true, but frustrating nonetheless. 

Society teaches us that we should grow up, choose our career path at age 18 and continue to work in that chosen career until we retire at 65 ish. And for women you should add in there by around 30 (give or take a few years) you should have some children, with the guy you met around 7 years ago and will have married.  

If this looks similar to your life, well congratu-fucking-lations! Good for you, but in this day and age, you’re the minority, honey! Times have changed and this just ain’t the way it goes for most people. Everyones journey is different. There is no right or wrong time to do something. There is no rule book that says any of these things should be done, by a certain age, or at all for that matter! This is your life and don’t let anyone else’s judgey opinions make you think otherwise. 

I think its important to remember that no matter how perfect other peoples lives seem, it doesn’t matter whether it actually is or not; because their life is none of your business, just as your life is none of theirs!

Below I’ve reposted an infographic, created by startup blog Funders and Founders which demonstrates how some huge names didn’t even start learning in their field we now know them for, until well into adulthood. 

Vera Wang was a figure skater before she entered the fashion industry at age 40.

Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his big break until his role in Spike Lee’s – Jungle Fever in 1991 at age 43!

Henry Ford didn’t create the model T car until age 45. As he once famously said:

“If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right”

Henry Ford

So if you’re still struggling to find the right career path, or feel as though you haven’t saved enough money, or worried you haven’t found your person yet, these are your steps you have to take to get there. 

No matter what society says, what people say, there is no time line. This is your journey and every single step is important, the good and the bad. It’s shaping you, everyday. Its helping you make decisions about your life and your path. 

You are in control, you are calling the shots, and you’ve got this!

So the answer is yes! YOU are exactly where YOU should be!

Are you ready for Blue Monday?

Since 2005, we have been able to put a name to the most depressing day of the year, Blue Monday. A U.K.-based psychologist, Dr Cliff Arnall created “Blue Monday” around 14 years ago to describe the third Monday in January, which he claims is the saddest day of the year. He came up with this after creating an equation that took into account the weather, average amount of debt a person has after the holidays and their ability to pay it off, the time elapsed since Christmas, peoples average levels of motivation, having to return to work, and how long it took people to break their new years resolutions. 

The holidays are done, the weather is cold and dark, you possibly overspent on Christmas gifts and probably over ate at Christmas dinner, and now you’re feeling the pinch, in more ways than one. You’re three weeks into your new years resolutions and maybe you’re starting to slip up because, you know what, shit is hard! Well Blue Monday is coming, whether we like it or not, so let’s suck it up and figure out how to handle it.

First things first, it’s important not to beat yourself up, that won’t do anybody any good, but recognize there are things you could tweak and figure out a way to make that change possible, being realistic.

Think about the things that are bothering you and write them down, now thinking about each one individually, think about how, you can improve that situation. Don’t rush it, think about it logically.

Now I’m not saying if you’re looking at loosing weight you need to be going to the gym 6 days a week and only eating 1,000 calories a day, or if you need more money you should get a second job, I am talking about realistic changes in your life that are manageable.  And it’s important to take your time with this, to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

The most important thing to remember is, its going to be ok. There is no time cap on your new years resolutions, and even if you wanted to loose 10lb in January and instead you’ve gained 4, ITS OK! The fact that you’re recognizing there is something that needs to be addressed is the first step. 

Maybe you’re struggling with some bills after the holiday and not sure how you can get them paid off, think realistically, is there a Starbucks you could go without for a month, or maybe you could bring a packed lunch to work, meal planning is a great way to save on impulse buying when you’re hungry. Plan ahead before you even go to the supermarket, make your list that corresponds with your meal plan for the week. This will ensure less impulse buying in the supermarket and once you’ve done your meal prep, less impulse buying that take-out (which might also help if you’re also struggling with loosing a few lb’s).

Possibly your new years resolution is to loose weight and you’ve been trying to go to the gym but just not enjoying it, is it because you’re not sure what to do? Maybe consider a few personal training sessions or classes, or something I used when I first started working out was LDN Muscle (these guys are incredible with their fully comprehensive guides to nutrition and exercise, I still have their Bikini Guides on my phone and will refer to them if I’m in the gym on my own, I cant recommend them enough). Or maybe the gym just isn’t for you, maybe there is a sport you can try that will keep you active in a different way that will be more enjoyable for you. 

“By an inch or a mile, forward momentum is the only requirement”

It also may be helpful to write down how you’re feeling, even if you’re not off track with Christmas debt or new years resolutions, even if you don’t normally keep a diary, take a few minutes to write down what you’re feeling. Its amazing how much better, just getting it out of your head and onto paper can make you feel.

Remember you’re not alone, millions of people are feeling this way around this time of year, so much so, we made an official day out of it. So as the Sunday scaries sink in, and Blue Monday is approaching, stay focused, don’t beat yourself up, and keep moving towards your goals even if you choose a different path. 

As my mum would always tell me, “this too shall pass”.